Boys in dresses: the war with toxic masculinity

*Originally wrote for Farid in November 2020.

Toxic masculinity is an ancient issue that has been standardising people’s lives for centuries. The modern, internet centric world has seen it evolve and dismantle in equal measure. Let’s talk about boys in dresses.

"There’s so much joy to be had in playing with clothes. I’ve never thought too much about what it means—it just becomes this extended part of creating something,” is what Harry Styles told Hamish Bowles in his Vogue feature ‘Playtime With Harry Styles.’

Keeping in line with its branding, the internet went wild in November when Harry Styles made magazine history by being the first solo man to appear on the cover of US Vogue. Not only that, he did it wearing a custom-made, lace-trimmed, periwinkle Gucci ballgown.

The first person to publicly throw a tantrum over this was Candace Owens. She tweeted: “There is no society that can survive without strong men. The East Knows this. In the west, the steady feminization of our men at the same time that Marxism is being taught to our children is not a coincidence. It is an outright attack. Bring back manly men.”

As you can imagine, fans of Styles suited up for battle and ambushed twitter with support against the backlash. Upon scrolling through, the opinions on the matter seem incredibly divided. The derogatory comments about men in dresses made me feel sick to my stomach. Whereas the uplifting comments made me feel proud to be part of a generation that are breaking down social constructs one by one.

We live in a time where clothing options are abundant. There are hundreds of different styles and that is something that should be celebrated not restricted. Fashion plays the starring role in many of our lives. It accommodates to our desires to express ourselves, be comfortable, be warm, be experimental. Whoever you are, clothes mean something to everyone.

Harry Styles is a prime example of someone who rebels against conventional gender roles, but he certainly wasn’t the first and I hope he won’t be the last. Familiar faces like David Bowie, Prince, Freddie Mercury, Kurt Cobain and so many others, all defied the norm when it came to fashion. May I also say, all these men I have mentioned so far are dearly loved by millions. Do you see a pattern here?

Going back to twitter, countless amounts of people were making the same point I just have in response to Owens’ initial tweet. This prompted her to say, “stable men do not wear ballgowns.” First of all, dragging something as serious as mental health into a debate about what essentially is a piece of fabric is quite frankly, ignorant and crude. Secondly, it proves how prejudiced we can be as a society.

This entire twitter debate among many other gender issues has me begging the question: does fashion have a gender? It was only during the 20th century that it became acceptable for women to wear trousers. Now, no one bats an eyelid at it. It is even becoming increasingly popular for a woman to be seen in a suit, a traditionally tagged masculine outfit. Hey, even Owen’s sports a suit from time to time. Do I smell a hypocrite? So, if women can wear suits, and look pretty damn good doing so, why can’t men wear dresses?

Men wearing dress-like articles of clothing is not a new thing and I’m not just talking about the last 50 years or so. In ancient Rome everybody was wearing togas and in ancient Greece they called it a chiton. In Japan they wore kimonos and in China they wore a hanfu. Not to mention the Scottish kilt. These items of clothing are significant to their respective cultures. Therefore, I fail to see the accuracy behind “stable men do not wear ballgowns.”

Not only that, around the time of the 13th-15th century, many men wore a doublet which gave the effect of a skirt. If that isn’t enough for you, this type of clothing essentially looks like a short skirt with tights AND HEELS. Is that manly enough for you Conservatives and Republicans?

Toxic masculinity is the enforcement of masculine ideals for men. It glorifies the idea that all men should exhibit traditionally masculine traits in order to be viewed as a ‘real man.’ It exists in telling someone to “man up,” belittling single fathers, the phrase “boys will be boys” and as we’ve seen more recently, still patronising men for the clothes they wish to wear.

Having a problem with men in dresses goes beyond just having a preference or an opinion. It ventures into the matter of transphobia. We see the same people who say, “you’re not a man anymore” to cis-gender men who wear dresses, saying “wearing women’s clothing won’t change the fact that you’re still a man,” to transgender women. It appears that their problem is not necessarily the garment in question just the overall queerness. Gatekeeping clothing can be harmful to more people than you may think. While in its simplest terms clothing is just a piece of fabric, it is a piece of fabric that in this context, can make or break a person’s happiness and freedom of expression.

While the internet is an incredible thing in some respects, it is also an easy way for issues such as toxic masculinity to spread like wildfire. It gives people false notions of power as they propagate their hateful remarks to strangers from behind a screen. That being said, there is an uprising of people using the internet’s platforms to promote equality and stand against all manners of bigotry. Instagram has seen numerous accounts doing this such as @feminist, @impact, @mattxiv, @pinkmantaray, @spencewuah, @liberaljane, @alokvmenon and hundreds more. What we can take comfort in, is the knowledge that there is an increasing number of people out there who strive for a more radical and revolutionary world. Yes, the internet is powerful, but so are we.

To answer the question: does fashion have a gender? I would have to say no. We have seen from history that clothing styles change rapidly and this is a time of progression and reclamation of the things that empower us. We live in a time where simply being yourself is seen as an act of rebellion. The world is not perfect, and it is still filled with a lot of hate. But that hatred lives internalised and deep within the pockets of a coat that is so worn-out, you can’t even make dust cloths with it. So boys, show off your dresses and listen to Harry Styles in Vogue. “Clothes are there to have fun with and experiment with and play with - anytime you’re putting barriers up in your own life, you’re just limiting yourself."